“I’ll do anything,” he says. Tell me what do you want me to do?” He sounds like a child, asking for guidance. Control relinquished, he prepares to accept my judgement. “Just go,” my mind was already made up the moment I saw her callous, cruel beauty staring up at me from the screen. “Go and find her. Let her fuck your pain away.” He backs away like a hunter retreating from a wounded, crazed animal that he has stumbled upon, “you just need some time by yourself. Before you do anything, just sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.” I sit on the edge of the bed and watch him diminish, “yeah right, we’ll talk in the morning.” His footsteps creep down the stairs and I hear the click as the front door closes. Less than a minute later a vehicle peels out of the barn behind the house. I guess you were right, Father. All this time I needed a man to define me. Even though we were apart, I was able to survive knowing that I was his possession. But that was then. Perhaps Felix’s role in my life was. I had further conversation with her and she agreed that direct discussion was helpful to her and again said he might want a sexual relationship with me as he had told her he found me attractive.I was rather wary of such a young man being sexually aroused by me. I have had young male sexual partners but only once with a verified 17 year old. I had reservations at what could happen. I was new to this community and did not want to gain a reputation. I had found many ways to be part of local life and did not want a sexual relationship with the local male population.I was therefore a little nervous when my young student arrived in shorts and T shirt for our first meeting. I offered him a soft drink and had worn an ankle length dress with bra and thong underneath. We began to chat and he seemed relaxed. I asked him what kind of words in English he wanted to learn and speak and he said he did not understand some parts of the body and clothing.This seemed reasonable and very similar to what.
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